2016 Reflecting

Hello again.  I'm trying to be more consistent in my blogging.  Bear with me as I catch up on editing unfinished thoughts and entries.  Seems like the last 2 years have kinda blurred by.  As I look around my house as I attempt to purge and declutter,  I notice there are too many unfinished projects.  As the year comes to a close, like many people do, I'm taking time to reflect on this year and think about how I'd like next year to end...  Endings and Beginnings.....Beginnings and Endings.  There have been many of those in 2016.  What does your year reflection look like?  Is it positive, negative, in-between?  Whatever it is, it's okay.  Sometimes one takes a leap of faith in the wrong direction.  It's all I can say about some things in life.

A recent experience made me feel like bolting from my current life and into another completely different time and location with a brand new already developed identity.  Whereas it was tempting, I couldn't see myself leaving all that I know behind.  I still struggle with things on a daily basis.....  like hmm....what is my focus for today.  I miss my babies and the sense of belonging that a mom feels when she spends her life caring for her young ones.  As they grow up and become quite accomplished adults and settle into their own lives, the feeling of not belonging kinda comes and goes.  I have bouts of complete sadness with sobbing tears at times and feel such pride and joy at others.  Sometimes, I feel lonely and even when in a room full of people, feel alone.  I question many things.  I don't think everyone feels like I do, but I know many do.  What seems to help me most is gym time.....meditation...or reflecting.  Sometimes, just taking a walk alone helps.  Reaching out and helping others who have a more difficult life often puts things into perspective for me.  I know I should appreciate what I have, but of course, I have had that "grass is greener on the other side" ideal....who hasn't?

I started 2016 in better shape than I had been in years...and am ending in not as good health. Sometimes life events happen, completely shifting plans...or as my son reminds me constantly...sometimes life happens while you're making plans.  There are many pros and cons for 2016.  Some dreams came and went, some shattered and some shifted creating an unexpected outcome.  Regardless, I am and Life Is and continues.  It's time to refocus and de-clutter all aspects of life.
Life happens quickly.  So much is happening in my life and so quickly.  I threw myself into work and focused on what needed to be done.  I still felt like part of me was missing... and no matter how hard one tries to get back to where they were, you can't.  It's kind of like the water in a river....once it flows by, you can never get it back.  Although the water continues to flow, just like life continues to go on, it can never be the same again. *sigh*.... but I'm trying here.  Like the flowing water from the same river taking different paths to arrive at a final destination.  Sometimes things take an unexpected turn and you just learn to go with the flow.  What does one do when so much around you keeps going wrong?  Well, you either sink or keep going.  It's been tough, but I've chosen to keep going.  This past year has definitely changed me a lot.  Some things I'm not so proud of, but some things, I hold on to.  Truly, you can't change what you feel.  "It is what it is".  That applies to life, emotions, and facts in general.

As I look back at accomplishments for 2016, I feel blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family to help make life worth living.  I will miss those who have moved on in life, but I noticed that they live on in your heart and memories and you can call on those memories anytime. :)

Thought for the day...No one is perfect.  Accept yourself and all your imperfections and appreciate yourself.  Things begin with you.  If you are not of sound mind, how then, can you assist others.  Well, off the to gym I go.   Make it a GREAT day!  Hugs

Cindy Ann